Never Had Wings

June 17, 2007

Redbull owes me wings. I’ve had a bunch of this stuff over the years, with and without vodka, and it never seems to do anything. I’ve tried drinking it as part of all-nighters, in the middle of the day for an afterburner-style boost, in the morning as a kick-in-the-pants jump-start, and none of it’s ever done anything special. Am I missing something? How would I know it’s working? Am I immune to taurine?

It’s like I’m just drinking a tall glass of Flintstones vitamins.



  1. Try Rockstar. Or Monster. Or if you think it’s the taurine, you might try Bawls, which uses guarana.

  2. Redbull never seemed to do much for me.

    Some guy stopped at our office a couple of weeks ago, and dropped off a free 12-pack sample of “Glaceau VitaminEnergy.”

    Geez. Michelle had half a can of this at her game night (probably around 8 PM) and couldn’t get to sleep until 3 AM. I normally not inclined to feel much from caffeine, but having a can of this makes me incredibly wired.

    In fact, I’m not sure I really like it.

    But they’re 16 oz. cans, with 2 servings per can, and each serving contains 150 mg caffeine, 200 mg “Bioenergy Ribose” (is that a fancy word for amphetamines or something?), and 2000 mg of Taurine. Plus a bunch of actual vitamins.

    I’m kind of afraid to try another can of it. Maybe I’ll just stick with my 3 cups of coffee each morning.

  3. Go to your local vitamin world, gnc, fitness supply warehouse type place and ask for a product called N.O.-XPLODE.

    It’s a “pre-training energy & performance igniter”

    You put two or three scoops of powder into an eight ounce glass of water or fruit juice. Well, start with one scoop. Find out what your tolerance is for the stuff. It’s a real pick me up.

    I started doing indoor rock climbing a couple of months back; taking this before hand really helps me get going especially after working all day and fighting that post work naptime slump.

    I think this stuff might really help. It’s got a good buzz too, like the way caffeine used to feel when first discovered.

    Who knows, is there an indoor climbing gym around town?

  4. Some guy stopped at our office a couple of weeks ago, and dropped off a free 12-pack sample of “Glaceau VitaminEnergy.”

    Whoa, that’s creepy. We got samples of the same product, probably from the same dude, almost certainly on the same day. They’re totally targeting game publishers, across the whole freakin’ city.

    Game publishers are energy drink trendsetters. Tell your friends.

  5. What the hell? For some reason, these comments never got emailed to me, as they should.

    For the record: Your super-potent corporate alchemical snake oils scare the bajeezus out of me. I deeply suspect that if I were to put some of this stuff into an automobile fuel tank, green flame would come out of the AC vents and parts would come off the engine.

    I am very afraid to drink something called N.O. XPLODE. If it were “No Explode,” maybe things would be different. But since I don’t know what N.O. stands for, and I have a suspicion what XPLODE means, I’m going to wuss out there.

    There is a nice indoor climbing place nearby, though. Would that I could pay for it and, also, not embarrass myself, I’d totally do it. I did three semesters of rock climbing classes in high school, I loved it so much.

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